New Year’s Resolutions (Minus the Pressure & Guilt)
As 2015 comes to a close and we prepare for great things in 2016, it is important to make time for reflection and to establish goals in a mindful way. I have developed a New Year’s Day ritual that includes a good work out followed by a good sweaty meditation in the steam room. I start the year off by doing something loving to and for myself. Read on for tips on how set goals for the New Year without pressure, guilt or shame:
1. It’s all about reflection – careful reflection that is. Looking back on 2015, what were your highlights? Ask yourself what you were able to do in regards to your personal growth, what you did for fun, in relationships, for you health? When did you feel connected, happy, and content? Write out the feelings, thoughts, and experiences that surrounded those highlights and look for themes. Odds are….these are themes you can celebrate and will want to maintain for next year. On the flip side, what challenged you or pulled you from your values? What goals did you set last year that you did not accomplish. IMPORTANT!!!! Do not feel guilt or shame for not accomplishing them…just be gently curious about why. Perhaps it wasn’t that important after all, which is helpful information to your self, so no time lost. Perhaps it challenged you due to fear which now that you are aware of that, you can tackle it head on. Again…sounds perfectly productive to me. The point here is to gain self-knowledge so the new goals can be more fitting, meaningful and achievable.
2. Do a quick scan on how connected you are to your values. When was the last time you gave yourself the time and space to determine what your core values are? And how are you living those core values in your daily life? For example, if health is a core value but you are struggling to maintain emotional and physical health due to your busy schedule, it’s time to get real and make room in your schedule and pocketbook for that therapy session, massage, physical, dentist appointment, hike or dance class. A tool that I have found extremely helpful for myself as well as my clients is the value sort…go ahead and Google it.
3. After reflecting on last year, and reconnecting to your values, I encourage you to take a look at the total picture when setting goals. There are many facets to wellness and we are usually more drawn to some over others, and usually for good reason. But examine all the buckets: Health/ Relationships/ Connection/ Pleasure/ Work/ Purpose/ Community. This is not to set 652 goals – again we are trying to avoid feeling bad about what we do not accomplish. It’s more about taking a balanced approach to your goals. If all your goals are work oriented, you are placing a great deal of pressure on yourself, and some that is out of your control…that is a TRAP! If your only goal is to lose weight, again…I sense you may be in the same spot next year, only feeling worse. How we set goals is also important leading to the next tip…
4. Set diverse and manageable goals. Break down the larger goal into achievable parts. Only bite off one or two at a time not all seven or eight. Based on what you came up with for all the parts of wellness, prioritize the top two and break them down into weekly, monthly, and quarterly goals. Remember it takes at least 16 weeks for actions to become habits, and when we bite off more than we can chew, we tend to make it a month or two and then give up. Diversity keeps things fun and different.
5. Share your goals with others and celebrate with them when you make even the slightest movement in the direction you are wanting to go. I have found that people leave this piece out. Having goals can be so lonely at times. We are hesitant to share goals for fear of embarrassment if we fail or judgement. This also allows us to throw in the towel sooner because hey…no one knew I was working on this anyway! Share!!! Be vulnerable and see the support that comes to you. Don’t you cheer on your clan?? They’ll most likely do the same for you. And when you approach the haters…well…we all know what to do about them. We know they are just going through their own stuff.
6. Don’t think in absolutes. Black and white goal planning and follow up is DANGEROUS. We do not live in an all or nothing world so why is it we expect all or nothing when we are trying to achieve our goals? If you decided to order a pizza and drink a couple glasses of wine instead of working out and doing homework – who cares? It’s what you needed in the moment – trust your intuition and most important – DO NOT SHAME yourself for it. At least enjoy it mindfully, you owe at least that to the pizza.
7. Now and each moment, day, week, month, and year going forward – do your best to remain PRESENT. If you spend your life planning and wishing, you are missing out on the rich opportunities that are emerging in each moment. If you can’t enjoy the now, how can you be certain you’ll enjoy yourself more when you achieve something? The truth is, you are amazing just as you are right now, without changing or making any resolutions. This leads me to what I hope is your only resolution: TO LOVE & ACCEPT MYSELF!
My next post and many more to come will provide information on how to do just that so stay tuned. In the meantime I would love to hear from you! How do you reflect and set mindful goals? Do you feel guilt over not achieving? What works? What does not?
