How to Manage Stress being a Working Mama

Learn how to manage stress being a working mama and so much more in this incredibly resourceful interview with one of my favorite boss babes.

In my summit, Moms Living a Life they Love, I interviewed several brilliant, power-house business women who are also Moms on how they overcome barriers to have both, a successful career and flourishing family.

This firecracker Mom, Michal Chesal, was so much fun to interview and her go-getter energy is just contagious. Three children, a divorce, and a thriving business later, she shares exactly what it takes to have both a family and thriving business.

She is a mompreneur who co-founded the Florida-based juvenile products company Baby K’tan, LLC. Shortly after the birth of her son, Coby, born with Down syndrome, Michal found herself searching for a baby carrier that could provide the sensory nourishment he required for optimal development. Unsatisfied with the options available, Michal began designing and creating her own modified carrier. Officially launched in 2007, the brand has since become one of the strongest names in infant carriers. Today, Baby K’tan, LLC continues to increase their product line, designing innovative products that promote the natural bond between parent and baby.

The culmination of her unique experiences has afforded her opportunities to be recognized in publications such as HuffPost, S FL Biz Journal, CBS & Miami Herald.

In my interview with her she shares:

• How her bright idea was born out of her child’s necessity

• Leveraging these 4 words to be successful: motivation, perseverance, patience and humility

• Being a single working Mom, time management is critical

• How to manage stress…

• Set 3 small goals a day and making the moment important!

Don’t forget to Subscribe on YouTube!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

The Power of Positive Thinking in Achieving Goals

Be inspired by Eva’s vision to become an author and how she leveraged the power of positive thinking in achieving goals, and oh so much more!

In my summit, Moms Living a Life they Love, I interviewed several brilliant, power-house business women who are also Moms on how they overcome barriers to have both, a successful career and flourishing family.

Eva Pohler retired from a twenty-year position teaching writing and literature at a university in San Antonio, where she lives with her husband and three kids. Now a full-time writer, she’s the Amazon bestselling author of eighteen novels, including The Mystery Book Collection and three series for young adults: The Gatekeeper’s Saga, The Purgatorium Series, and The Vampires of Athens. Her books have been described as “thrilling” and “addictive.” A Kirkus reviewer said of The Gatekeeper’s Sons that it was “sure to thrill Hunger Games fans”.

In my interview with her she shares:

• Take your big long-term plan and break it down into manageable goals

• The power of positive thinking

• TAKE TIME OFF

• Work when you can and when you’re in your flow of genius

Don’t forget to Subscribe on YouTube!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Inspiration for Working Women who want to have kids or already have them

There is not much I am more passionate about than helping women know they don’t have to choose career or family, they truly can have both and in this interview we share inspiration for working women to want to have kids or already have them.

In my online interview series, “Moms Living a Life they LOVE”, I had the privilege of talking to successful, powerful, mompreneurs about how they have BOTH thriving businesses and loved families.

We address the taboo topics no one wants to talk about to normalize the challenges, pressures, expectations and realities we face as working mamas.

Hear from these FABULOUS ladies just how they do it, what lessons they have learned and be prepared to feel inspired.

Don’t forget to Subscribe on YouTube!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

8 Summer Tips for Working Moms

Schooooooooool’s out for summer! This may be a song of celebration or sheer panic for you and your family!

As a working parent, you may be relieved when summer approaches because it means less school commutes, less craziness in the morning getting everyone ready, less helping (or at least trying to help) with homework, less school functions, field trips and volunteer opportunities. You may feel like you have 150 less things to do and let freedom ring. Your anxiety may decrease and you may be looking forward to making memories at the pool, or hiking your favorite hike with your littles.

OR…you might be that parent who is totally freaking out, because whether school is in session or not, your life is still crazy, you still have to be out the door at 6:45am, and now you have to figure out where your beloved kiddos are going to go while you work. This creates more finances, you have to plan it out, work around it, and it could be very stressful. You might feel guilty, overwhelmed, and FOMO just to name a few.

AND…you could be experiencing a little bit of both and then some!

No matter where you land on the spectrum, as a working Mom myself, I know its difficult juggling everything, so I wanted to provide 8 tips to consider to make your life easier.

Don’t overbook yourself and your kids! We have a MAJOR problem with this in the U.S. We have a “more is better” mentality, and I think we need a mind shift here. Keeping your kids active, connected, learning and stimulated is very important but it can absolutely can be overdone folks. Kids needs quiet time just like you do. They thrive on routine and running around until 9:30pm every night is just as hard on them as it is on you. They benefit from being bored to remember they have access to their fascinating imagination. They love to play tag in the streets with the neighbors, learn social rules and how to stay safe without us hovering over them every minute. So….if you want them to have an extracurricular, sweet! But they don’t need everyday to feel like Disneyland. Do yourself a favor and sign them up (and therefore you) with half of what you are used to and you can thank me later.

Building upon #1, if possible, take one week day off. I know this is impossible for many of you! But if you are in business for yourself, as painful as it may seem, clear one day during the week and spend it with your kids, handling appointments, getting caught up, and making memories. I have been fortunate enough to do this with my son his entire 14 years of life, both as a corporate leader and as an entrepreneur. Knowing I have that mid-weep moment to breathe completely calms me the rest of the week. Now if this is not realistic, I hear you, I get it. Can you request one week day off a month? Have an extra 4 day weekend somewhere? You need something to look forward to!

ASK FOR HELP! No need to drown on your own. I encourage you to sit down with your partner and plan the summer out, and each Sunday plan out the next week to ensure everything is covered, workload is balanced, and communication is open. Take turns taking the kids to their camps and activities. Take turns doing special things with the kids while the other parent gets that bike ride in. And reach outside your home for help. Perhaps you can set something up with a neighbor, a daycare swap, carpooling, even watching each other’s kids/ having play dates each week to give one another a break. If you are in a bind, ask for help. I know one of the stressors is when we have to work and our kiddos are sick. Is there someone you know, friends, family, neighbors, school connections, etc who can help you?? Get resourceful and reach out You do not need to be on an island alone.

Stay connected. Sometimes summer feels like a non-stop kids camp, but don’t forget your social needs too! I know you are OVER scheduling and planning, but what’s one more plan to meet your friends for drinks, a game, a walk or something you enjoy. We are hardwired for connection and if we spend the entire summer working and being with kids, we’ll feel it emotionally. Join a group for parents and their kids if you don’t have daycare. Make friends at the gym and drop your sweet pea off at the gym daycare. Ask the neighbor over for coffee. Plan a BBQ with your work friends, and their families if that works better. Just get out and get connecting with other grown ups!

Order In. No one’s going to die if you don’t cook every night. After a long day of dropping kids off, working, picking them up and whatever else you have planned in the afternoon/ evening, dinner might be the thing that puts you over the edge. So, order in. Easy preparation and clean up. Waking up to a dirty kitchen the next morning is immediate anxiety provoking madness and can have us feeling like we are never caught up. So just do it. Pizza it is…again…give yourself a break. No judgement or shame in that game.

Either hire a cleaning company or put those kiddos to work! Another thing to remove from your never ending list of things to do is the cleaning and laundry. Kids are very capable of picking up after themselves, picking up their rooms and bathrooms and helping around the house. Perhaps you implement a routine where before the kids get to play they take 30-60 minutes to help around the house and if they do all their chores each day in the week, they get a reward on Sunday. OR if your kids are not in the age range to help, hire some help. Can you see my pattern here, I am trying to help alleviate things for you to do, and declutter your mind so you don’t go crazy this summer. Create more time in your life to do things that you enjoy, that matter, that are in alignment with your values. If all you are doing are working, chores and managing children, you will burn out, probably lose your patience, not be present and miss out on the small wonders of summer with your kids at this age.

Plan one special thing to do with your family that you call look forward to.  Ask your family for their input, or give your kids the task of planning it out.  Is there somewhere you have always wanted to go?  You can stay loyal or get out of town.  It can a weekend getaway or a week at the beach.  Doesn’t matter, its just something to break up the summer.  You can even do a staycation and camp out in your backyard.  This doesn’t have to be extravagant and expensive.

No matter what, stick to your wellness habits and routines. Just because kids are home, doesn’t mean yoga, meditation, and your messages are out the door. Its even more imperative you stick to these self-care routines to maintain your psychological well being. If you need to, get up before your family, stay up a little late after they all hit the hay, work out on your lunch, or leave the kids with your partner or neighbor and do the things that you know create some sense of balance in your life.

Remember your kiddos are watching your every move and learning from you, so release the guilt, and get to your routine. You are so important and will be the best working parent you can be if you are taking care of yourself. Summer can be extremely difficult and also a ton of fun. Feel empowered to make some adjustments that allow you to manage the transition in a way that is less chaotic and that creates space for enjoyment. And you are not doing it right or wrong, you are just doing the best you can and that is more than enough!

Happy Summer!

To learn more about how I support working mamas click here!

And for more ah-mazing mama inspo…..

109 Strong Mother Quotes

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

May Brings New Growth and Beginnings, But With That…

Who’s ready for some GROWTH?

This past weekend was an emotional one for me. There is something truly special about the beginning of May. As I look around, everything is green, bright, fresh and clean. All the dead is drifting away and making space for new growth.

I find this phenomenon both in nature and in me, psychologically. This is a good time to remove what no longer serves us, perhaps toxic relationships, bad habits, a negative inner critic, you get the picture. This is a good time to strengthen your spiritual practice (mine is meditation) to de-clutter your mind and access your higher self, your best creativity, your guidance. This is a good time to purge your closet, clean your home and get your outside stuff ready to enjoy in the warmer weather. This is also the month we celebrate Moms and my the birth of my first born.

Usually, this time of year I feel invigorated, energized and ready to rock. But his past weekend was an emotional roller coaster for me. Yes, you can chalk it up to the pregnancy hormones, but I am aware it is much deeper than that. You see, I am beyond grateful to have a healthy growing baby girl in my belly. I can’t wait to meet her and have been enjoying every second I can feel her move. She is going to enhance our family and lives in so many ways. This is truly such an exciting time for my husband and I, and most days I am living in sheer joy.

However, to get ready for this baby girl, there are lots of changes also happening. We finished the basement to make a room for my son, an entertainment area, and some storage space. This basically feels like an apartment for my soon to be high schooler. He is thrilled. We painted his room and just made everything down there perfect for him.

And yet, this weekend, as we were transitioning him down there, I happened to walk by his “old room” totally empty. I walked in and started hysterically crying. You see with all this new, something has to die. And in this moment I realized that my baby is no longer my baby, and that my time with him is passing by WAY too fast, and he is growing into this amazing human being, but one that doesn’t need what he used to from me. I took a trip down memory lane, when we first bought this house, got him this awesome bed with a slide and fort, reading him books, playing dinosaurs and legos, changing his room as he aged and so much more. Where has this time gone?

I realized that in creating space for the new, my growing family and all that entails, I have to say good-bye to just as much. And this folks, is straight up grief. So I allowed myself a full blown cry session. I let it all out. I miss my son being little. And I never want him to feel like he’s being pushed aside for the new baby. You see, even thought he is ecstatic about the basement, my mind was telling me we were pushing him aside (these are the false truths our brain tell us). And sub-consciously I was buying into that emotionally. So I took a moment to recognize the false truth and to remind myself of what I know to be factual. Adding a new baby will not lessen our love for Cam, it just adds love to our home. Cam knows what he means to me, and I will never stop telling, showing, proving to him what he means to me. And he is thrilled about the new baby, we all are. This is a beautiful transition, but with it comes grief. Its normal, and to be expected, and yet we usually ignore this part of the process.

So my point is, yes lets celebrate what’s to come. AND let’s also allow ourselves to grieve what we leave behind. Grief is the most disenfranchised emotion in American culture. Let’s slow down and allow ourselves to feel the full range of emotions, and honor the same in others. Let’s be aware of all that is happening so we can move forward with full intention. Let’s teach our children its OK to cry in a bedroom because things are changing, and that just like in nature, our tears (water) make everything fresh, clean and new.

Whether you are in a life transition like me, a love transition, or a career transition, know that honoring what was is an essential part of the process.

This morning I woke up with such a grateful heart and walked into the basement to wake my son up and was in love with his new space. Now, we are ready. Now that I have acknowledged the whole picture and all parts of me.

Here’s to a May filled with amazing shifts in your lives.

Learn more about me and why I care so much about growth here!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Get Real, Get Clear, and Get Connected!!

Happy New Year! I hope you all had an awesome holiday and if you’re anything like me, you’re back into the grind of January.

Today I wanted to share my 3-step process to crushing your goals, resolutions and intentions for the New Year. I love the energy around the new year, the commitment to self-reflection and what we want to change and shift going forward.

But, I’ve noticed, we are all super passionate right out of the gates about our resolutions, and just a couple of weeks in, we lose our steam, we lose our momentum, you begin to notice the gym isn’t as packed, and you notice that your new routine was already tossed out the window.

Year after year we set the same resolutions and goals, just to get discouraged….which does not help us feel any better about ourselves.

So…here’s why I think that happens and how we can change this vicious cycle for once and for all!

Whether your New Year’s resolution was to lose weight, quit drinking, or improve intimacy in your relationship, this 3-step process applies.

Step 1…GET REAL! This is all about being really honest with yourself. Ask yourself what is the pattern or behavior you want to change? Then, begin to break that down. When are you finding yourself in the fridge looking for sugar? This is going to require some mindfulness. Slowing down and taking a look at the landscape surrounding you. As you are reaching for that 3rd drink, what are your feelings, your thoughts, and what happened in your day? Perhaps you had a stressful day which triggers your desire to reach for that unhealthy coping mechanism.

And MOST IMPORTANT is asking yourself what’s underneath this behavior or pattern that you want to change?

Typically, under the drinking, drugging, cheating, gambling, eating too much, or shopping too much is an unhealed wound. We are engaging in this behavior to nurse ourselves, to survive, to feel better. But the reason we are unsuccessful in changing the behavior and following through on our resolution is not due to a lack of will power or strength, its because we are addressing the symptom rather than the root cause.

Once we are honest with ourselves about the real thing that needs to be addressed then it’s time to:

Step 2…GET CLEAR! The purpose of this step is to develop an understanding of what has been going on, and for how long. To ignite self-acceptance and compassion. To analyze what we have done to change that works and does not work, and to build authentic motivation to change.

So here are a couple questions to ask yourself. How long have you been suffering with this (you fill in the blank…drinking problem, promiscuity, spending habit, etc.)? What’s working and what’s not working? My guess is year after year you make changing this pattern your resolution and IT’S NOT WORKING!!! Who are you doing this for? If you are wanting to change for anyone other than yourself, you are less likely to succeed. What would life be like if you were to finally address the root cause, and heal your wounds?

Wounds underneath maladaptive behaviors might be grief over a lost loved one or a lost marriage, trauma, low self-worth based on things the adults in your life said to you growing up, guilt and shame over past actions, a negative belief you have about yourself and so much more. Carrying these wounds around are like carrying a heavy bag of metal. Its effects our ability to be ourselves, our belief that we can achieve our dreams, how we connect with others, and pretty much every aspect of our lives.

So ask yourself again…what would life be like if you could finally put the bag of metal down and be free of these wounds?

You’ll probably have a lot more energy to actually drive meaningful change in your life.

Step 3…GET CONNECTED! If you are trying to resolve your problems alone, its most-likely not working. Just gonna be honest here folks. And here’s why. Not sharing your struggles keeps you in a shame cycle. And shame is also like a bag of heavy metal. It also avoids having an accountability partner. Who’s going to support you on this journey? Who’s going to help you problem-solve when you fall off?

We have to reach out!

Just by sharing your story and your wound with one other human being can immediately release the shame around it, lifting the heavy bag of metal and allowing you some different options.

This is where having a counselor and coach can be invaluable.

Join a support group.

There is power in numbers and you are definitely not alone.

We all turn to unhealthy behaviors at times in our lives to band-aid pain. I did for many, many years.

But its your turn to heal once and for all, to be able to truly make change happen in your life.

Contact me for any questions or if you are in need of support.

Let’s make 2017 the year we GET REAL, GET CLEAR, AND GET CONNECTED!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

My Reflections on 2016…

Many people have felt that 2016 was a really tough year. I can affirm that I certainly felt a great deal of grief and fear along with the rest of you. I sense lots of loss and worry about the future. But for me personally, I tend to see things a tad bit differently. I believe that chaos precedes change and a shift. I know that when people are emotionally invested, action happens. So I see this as the necessary rumble before real movement occurs. And what we need right now is a movement toward coming together for the greater good, on helping one another and on making conscious choices that are mindful of the future.

This is not to minimize people’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

It’s simply my take on things.

You see, for me, 2016 was a year of demonstrating courage and taking bold risks. Of deep reflection and altering of ways of being. I launched my private practice exactly one yer ago and really put myself out there, as a helper in the universe. I changed patterns and learned the real powers of meditation and manifestation. I learned to ask for what I want, believe I deserve it, and took action day after day.

My business is thriving and the goals I have for myself in 2017 are blowing my mind!

My partner has gained professional clarity, grown as an individual, and shown me unconditional support which has strengthened our bond immensely. My son…well what can I say? He’s crushing life (feedback he gave me on the way to school one morning recently!) He has flourished this past year and is just a good human being who loves to laugh and play music, just like his mom. It’s as though we all have a better sense of WHO we are both individually as well as collectively. This solid foundation enables and holds me through the crazy ups and downs that life tends to offer.
It’s been a journey to heal, find myself, and become more grounded than I have ever been. I can forgive myself of things I have done along the way.

I finally know exactly what blocks me from being the very best me and achieving greatness and am committed to releasing those parts that are no longer serving me. Goodbye guilt, shame, insecurity and fear….thanks for trying to keep me safe, but you are now just getting in my way! I am letting go of the belief that it’s impossible to be an amazing wife and mama, and wildly successful while engaging in a vibrant personal life. I have already proven otherwise and need to remind my brain of those facts.

This release clears space, declutters my mind, and makes room for new and meaningful opportunities in 2017.

So, whether 2016 was a tough year, or a magical one, we all move forward together in 2017. For those of us that feel down, reach out to others for a hand of support. And for those of us feeling strong enough to help, scoop someone up, reminding them of their worth. Have faith in humanity. Become part of the solution. Tend to your own wellness and inner peace. Influence those under your own roof watching the magnificent ripple effect on others around you.

And use your voice to help us all shift more towards love and intention.

Thank you all for your support in 2016 – you have no idea what it means to me.

Here’s to a May filled with amazing shifts in your lives.

Learn more about me and why I care so much about growth here!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Annual Reflections for an Epic New Year: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself

How to leverage annual reflections to make next year even better that this one.

Today we're talking about the four questions to ask yourself to recap your year to therefore create an epic year following.

In the month of December, I spend a lot of time both myself and with my clients reflecting on how we spent our time, energy and money throughout the year so we can take that information and formulate a plan to have an even better 2017.

So the first question that I like to ask is one that you all have heard of which is what are you most proud of and what made you feel really good yourself in 2016? You might be asking “Are you talking personally or professionally?” and my question back to you is how are they different? If personally you're really proud of using courage to come out of your shell and try new things, how does that not impact both your personal and professional lives simultaneously? If your goal/ intention was to strengthen your communication and your intimacy with your partner, how does that not help you overall feel better which would flow into the workplace?

The second question is in what way did you stretch yourself? You all have heard the saying “If we’re not growing we’re dying” or “If we’re not uncomfortable we’re not trying hard enough” so in what ways did you really push yourself out of your comfort zone? And most importantly, how did you overcome the obstacles attempting to block you from trying that thing? Maybe it was fear or self-doubt or an old tape that you play about how you show up in those situations, but how did you overcome that to go ahead and try it anyways? Those are going to be sources of strength that we want to use to make great things happen moving forward. Perhaps you did a public speaking engagement and you overcame your fear of being in front of a group and how you did that was to talk to your coach, to meditate on it, to practice and prepare, or to just know and trust that you can do it when you get there. Make a note of how you did it! Then, how did it feel to show up and make it happen?

The third question is about what you learned… what was the biggest mistake you made and what did you learn from it? All of the greats in the world will tell you they made more mistakes than they can count before they found their way. But what makes them great is their resiliency and how they came back from those mistakes. They focus on what they learned and how to apply that information going forward. I challenge you to be really honest with yourself, where did you mess up  and what can you learn about yourself to become a more authentic version of you?

Please know we all make mistakes!!!! I hope that you’re not sitting in shame or judgment. The first thing I encourage you to do is to release the shame and judgment around making mistakes and the second thing to do is normalize that we all make mistakes and remind yourself that that to be great you MUST make mistakes. The third thing you can do is learn, try something different and use mindfulness to make conscious choices the next time.

The fourth and final question is my favorite…what are you willing to shed from this year to become next year? I use the snake metaphor a lot with my clients but what are you willing to de-clutter in your mind, what are you willing to let go of and release that’s no longer serving you? Perhaps it’s an old tape such as that “I’m not good enough” story. That is definitely a tough one to shed but so worth the work. Maybe it’s a habit or a pattern that you’ve identified that’s no longer serving you well and not helping you get what you want. Maybe it’s a mistake you made and you don’t want to hold onto the guilt and shame of it, you’re ready to release it and let it go!

Here’s the deal guys… if we want to become what it is that we’re trying to become we have to let go of some of these things that we tend to carry with us, and a lot of those things are pretty heavy such as guilt, shame and regret. All of those unpleasant thoughts and feelings don’t really serve us, rather, they weigh us down. Starting today, give yourself permission to let it go. There’s a lot of different ways that you can let it go, you can journal, you can write it down and burn it, you can release it through body movement, or you can work with a counselor or coach, just to name a few.

The point is, if you want to become the very best version of you and you want to create an amazing life, you’re gonna have to let some things go!

These are the four questions that I love to work with clients on when doing their annual reflections to begin to make plans and to clear space for what you are going to create next.

Now, if you need to work with a counselor or a coach to really heal from some of the things that happened this year, or to process some of the things that happened, there’s no judgment in that, and I strongly encourage you to get the resources that you need.

And if you need a partner to help you create the life you’ve always wanted or to manifest your dreams give me a call and book a free discovery call to see what we can work through together.

We only live once and we want to live life to the fullest, so get rid of what’s no longer serving you and believe that you can have all that you want.

I hope you found these four questions helpful and I hope you have an amazing year ahead.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Everybody Has a Comeback Story

As I sat in my own workshop last week it dawned on me. I have been lucky enough to attract, hear about, learn from, be a part of and write my own COMEBACK STORY. As most of you know, I am a counselor and coach who specializes in life, love and career transition, but I am also a BADASS who has had to be resilient many times in my life. From recovering from an eating disorder, to surviving a horrible car accident, to becoming a Mommy in college and losing a very special Target team member of mine in the Aurora theatre shootings, as well as my high-paying security blanket of a career, I have learned that things actually never have gone as planned.

Just when I thought things were under control, the ground would come out from under me.

Just when I believed I had everyone fooled, my secrets came forward and I was forced to deal with them.

Just when I grew comfortable in who I was, life events made me question everything down to my core.

On and on we go….

And yet in my darkest night, in my deepest sadness, in my most vulnerable reflection of myself I have reconnected to my super power: RESILIENCE.

In the last couple of weeks alone I have had many people share with me that they couldn’t help but tell me their story (not just clients folks!) and I started to ponder why that is. Does my openness about my struggles open doors for others? Do I appear approachable? Is it because of my title of counselor and coach? Are these stories ready to BE HEARD? I am not sure, but I feel honored and lucky to be a real-talk story magnet.

I am astounded at how many people are suffering underneath their persona (ones they are exhausted from keeping up because society says they should). Everyone I come into contact with has been through some real stuff including my family, friends, neighbors, and clients. Who at this point hasn’t experienced loss, trauma, abuse, guilt, shame, or a change so big your world turned upside down?

So much happens when we are in transition, and now I can’t help but notice the power and hidden wisdom in the rebuilding process.

So, I ask you…what is your comeback story? When has life completely thrown you down and how did you get back up? What inner strength did you call on to be your guide? What outer faith held the way? Who have you become coming out of that time in your life?

We often focus too much on what’s next. We plan and find security in our over-analyzation of life events. But where does that get us?

The beauty is in the journey, not the outcome. We cannot determine and plan for what’s to come. But we can get busy identifying the gems inside of us that remind us we’ll always be okay. We have what it takes.

If you wish, take a moment to write out or just think on your highest and lowest points of your life. Begin to recall how you made it through them. Look for patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. How did you get through? Who helped you? What served you during that time? You can begin to see some of the inner gems from each experience all lined up to form a beautiful formation that is you, your resilience and your comeback story.

Honor what you have been through and the resilient warrior that keeps moving forward. Be forgiving and accepting of how and what you have done to survive. Normalize your thoughts and feelings, and most important, share your story!

I believe that what we learn about ourselves in our comeback story is our superpower which then needs to be shared with the world. You are special and have a unique life experience that makes you the perfect vessel to provide relief for other’s who are suffering. Shame diminishes the moment we share our stories and no longer feel isolated in our experiences.

I would love to hear your comeback stories, please do share them.

My wish is that you remain connected to your resilience and superpowers.

May you shine bright knowing just how amazing you are.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Know When to Slow Down

The moment I had been waiting for for over three years had finally arrived. I had graduated from graduate school, launched my counseling and coaching private practice and been building it like crazy, and was still working for Studio 10 Interior Design as their Business Development Executive/ Client Relations/ HR/ Counselor-On-Duty. All while juggling being a wife, mom, friend, daughter, neighbor, you get the picture. Most days were absolutely nutty and I would fall into sheer exhaustion at night. I didn’t have much left to give, but I was passionate about all I was doing…and grateful for all the opportunities the universe was presenting.

It was like my psyche and body was waiting for me to just slooooow down a little to break down a lot. After my final day at Studio 10, and a fabulous going away might I add, I woke up to what felt like a glimpse of death. I had envisioned skyrocketed productivity now that I could channel all my work energy into my business, and my passion. I dreamed of this moment that I could take the leap of faith and fly on my own. I imagined it to be inspiring, peaceful, and monumental.

None of the which came to fruition.

I was bedridden for days and felt weak, depressed, and worthless.

My husband was making my Theraflu tea for me for fuck’s sakes. THAT’S MY JOB!!!!

The internal battle of knowing what I needed to do to tend to my illness versus what I wanted to do as a productive go-getter was exhausting. So, I threw in the towel and sat my ass back on the sofa. (And yes, I only started to use the word “sofa” after working for an interior design firm.)

We have to know when to hustle and when to listen to our bodies and slow down. Trust me, as a type A personality I know how hard this is. Often, we are oblivious to how run down we really are because our own strength keeps us going through the motions.

You’ll know when you’ve gone too far. You’ll get ill or have a panic attack the second you get to relaxing on vacation. And when those signs are showing, rest your bones and turn your attention inward. What is your mind and body trying to tell you?

What have you been neglecting in yourself lately?

How do you rest, recharge and play?

Start each morning with a mediation to check in, take lots of breaths throughout each day, including two adult time-outs, a bath at night and write in your journal before bed.

I hear all the time from clients, “I don’t have time!!”

Well here’s the brutal truth (because we all know its my style to break it down in this way), if you don’t take preventative measures for self-care, you’ll get grounded to your sofa for a week (which turns out to take more time than the preventative measures).

Ask for help.

Once I accepted that my husband needed to “baby” me, I began to enjoy it. I felt taken care of, which was an unfamiliar feeling, not because no one’s ever taken care of me, but because I have it in my head I don’t need help and therefore don’t let them.

As human beings we can’t be everything to everyone, every minute of everyday. Its actually impossible.

So, let’s collectively rid ourselves of the unrealistic ideal of success we have created and settle into knowing we are enough and are doing enough.

Let’s take care of ourselves and therefore each other and encourage one another to be sensitive to the needs of the human spirit.

We can do amazing things in this life without working ourselves into illness.

And once I realized this epiphany on my sofa, I acknowledged that my time turning my attention inward led me to some insight I wanted to share.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Overcoming the Loneliness of Being an Entrepreneur

Being an Entrepreneur Can be Lonely:

We’ve all been there. We have dreamt of being a business owner, creator, or CEO for years and here we are at the launch. As the days of preparation come to fruition, we are ecstatic and petrified to put ourselves completely out there and go for it. The first few months we are overwhelmingly busy getting our baby off the ground and running. And before we know it, the truth hits us like a brick wall. Being an entrepreneur can be excruciatingly lonely. The appeal of working for yourself, with no one to report to begins to fade and the reality that all of this is YOUR responsibility begins to sink into your consciousness. We wonder who we will share our wins and failures with and who we can hold accountable to not making quarterly sales goals. The weight of the world is on our shoulders and we hesitate from sharing our unpleasant feelings in fear that sharing will illustrate we have made a mistake or are going to fail in some way.

We are not alone! These are normal feelings, and only a few of what I have experienced. Being an entrepreneur can be lonely, but there are things we can do to surround ourselves with an extended team to support our initiatives. This is so important to our long-term success and fulfillment, therefore building your team could be a top priority in the planning process of launching your business.

It begins with being strategic and intentional with selecting what I call “your clan,” those who are going to cheer you on and pick you up when you fall. These folks should be trust-worthy, supportive, and honest. You’ll need to be vulnerable and you may need different folks for different reasons. For example you might get a coach to help you achieve your professional goals, and a neighbor you hang out with to reignite your inspiration. You might have a mentor who can specifically share information related to your business and then call your grandmother on the weekends for that feel-good moral support. 

A few key partners to have in this journey might be:

• A mentor

• A coach

• A best friend or group of friends who know the real you and with whom you can be vulnerable with

• A therapist to help you manage the stress, fear, and emotions that arise being an entrepreneur

• A networking group you can share ideas with and be inspired by or who share your personal and professional headaches

• People who enjoy the same hobbies and play – yes play is critical to your success! Join a running club, or a pottery class, whatever your inner child desires

• People in your industry who are already doing great things – we can always learn from each other

• A collaborative workspace to get you out of the house and your jammies and around anabolic energy

• A spiritual community to help you remain centered and connected to yourself, the community and your values

• Employees, partners, or supportive teams

When professionals think about who they would want in their clan or on their team, they often overlook the relationships they currently have. Our romantic partner is key to our success. Start with those who are already closest to you and begin to assess. Are you sharing your dreams, plans, and worries with them? Why or why not? Are they someone you can problem-solve with or ask for a hug after an exhausting day? What do you need from them in relation to your profession and have you asked them? Having an honest conversation about what starting your own business will look like and how you’ll stay connected can be helpful ahead of time.

Family, family, family! Some are supportive and others not so much. And guess what, you do not need everyone’s blessing to do your thing! What’s unique about us entrepreneurs is we take risks and see things that might not be seen yet by others. Don’t let their speculation bring you down…or anyone’s for that matter. On the other end of the spectrum, you may have an unbelievably supportive family, or family members who want to be too involved or want to work with you. Use your intuition to guide you when it comes to family matters.

My coach taught me to surround myself with eagles. There are a lot of pigeons….folks who will take your energy, bring you down, put you down and not reciprocate your efforts. We must be selective and mindful with our time and energy. It’s very easy in the beginning to become overwhelmed with the marketing and networking for the business, but there are only so many hours in the day so it’s best to choose wisely.

Using a planner, I like to schedule 5 meetings a week with eagles (like-minded individuals with positive energy who have big dreams and want to make a difference). I make sure my values are first and foremost represented in my calendar. For instance, date night with my husband is written down under Friday night, taking my son to drum lessons and all his activities, plus family time is penciled in. My work outs are scheduled. You are more likely to be strategic and productive when everything is accounted for and scheduled in. Allow room for the unexpected and analyze why you did or did not follow your schedule.

Starting a business can feel like being pulled into a blackhole and before we know it we are lonely, over-booked, and maybe even unhealthy, which is why getting ahead of these potential challenges can provide support we’ll need on this journey. All while keeping us connected to our values. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help, as that is an act of strength.

If you or someone you know would like some coaching around taking care of the self while launching a business, growing a business, or balancing work and life in general, please pass my information along.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

The Difference Between Counseling & Coaching and Why The Pair is so Transformative

Prior to becoming a counselor and coach, I spent ten years in various HR/ GM leadership roles with Target Corp. My favorite part of the job was leading such a large and diverse team and being heavily involved in the professional development of the leaders across the district and group. Target really invests in their team and the training/ development experience I received built a solid foundation for my coaching practice, both to work with individuals and companies/ teams.

In my time at Target, however, I became aware of how our personal and professional lives are so interrelated. We can’t focus on one without the other and there are good reasons why people perform the way they do at work. With the desire to better understand human experience, the psyche and how it relates to our personal and professional worlds, I went back to school to obtain my M.A. in Counseling Psychology. While in school I worked with a local interior design firm in Denver, Studio 10 Interior Design, owned a run by a young fabulous female entrepreneur, where I gained even more experience, this time in the small business realm.

I get asked quite often what is the difference between counseling and coaching and why don’t you narrow down your services to better market yourself? The reason being is because I believe I can truly help folks more effectively by pairing the two together.

What might be getting in our way of reaching our best potential, or creating the life we have always wanted is old rules and old tapes we play and buy into. For example if you believe that as a woman there is a glass ceiling, or that you will never amount to much because your critical mother says so, that unconscious and conscious conditioning very much affects how we operate today. Sometimes we are aware of it, and sometimes we are not.

By taking a look at our past and what influences were upon us, we can create new rules, and use our core energy to achieve greater heights. By removing the psychological obstacles getting in our way, we pave a new path to the life we create. And when combined with a coach who guides you to set achievable goals, holds you accountable to those goals, and calls out when the gremlins are showing up and preventing you from reaching your potential, I have seen amazingly transformative things happen in clients.

So, the truth is, there are a lot of similarities between counseling and coaching. It’s a safe and trusting relationship where vulnerability and real growth can take place. Its confidential and inspiring. It forces you into your comfort zone and allows time to process, plan, and create new outcomes. It’s an alliance built between two people that addresses both what is getting in the way of being who we are supposed to be, as well as building plans to get there.

The difference is, with the counseling background, we can spend more time on the psychological component. We might address those gremlins longer. We can address the anxiety/ depression/ inner critic more effectively. Who in the workplace would benefit from an accountability partner for their goals, who can also help you build healthy coping skills for stress, overwhelm, self-esteem issues or conflict? We can dig into how you relate to others and how to best navigate the emotional client. We can reconnect you to your values, strengths, and purpose, all while dealing with fear, loss, and heartbreak that comes up along the way. We can work on getting you out of your head and INTO YOUR LIFE. We can celebrate the wins and examine the failures, while addressing the feelings attached and what we tell ourselves when we do both.

Although this is only a brief description and comparison, one thing has become more and more clear to me – I believe that a combination of coaching and counseling provides two services that honors and supports the whole person. My goal is to simply be the guide to your growth, and to help you reach your fullest potential in all areas of your life – love, career, health, wealth, life transition and more.

Here is an exercise to help you begin to identify your “old rules” and gremlins.

Identifying Gremlins Exercise:

Take a few moments to write out on a sheet of paper some of the “rules” you live by. What influences did you have growing up and what did they tell you? What rules did you pick up from media, from your family, friends, school or church? That you could only be this and do that? That you should be a good girl or boy? That you should look, act, behave a certain way or follow in your fathers footsteps in your career? That you’re not worthy enough to live in abundance?

And when you try to break free of those rules, what do you tell yourself and how do you feel (there, that’s where the gremlins show up!) Perhaps fear, anxiety, worry, or shame appear.

Now, go back through those rules and question them. Are they serving in your best interest? Are they keeping you safe or helping you thrive? Are they authentic to who you really are?

Sit on this for a week or so and revisit again later, and perhaps begin to consider what your new rules might be. Or how you want to relate to your gremlins. This is a very brief taste of one component coaching and counseling will dig into to help you reach your fullest potential.

If you or anyone you know would benefit from the counseling and coaching services, please pass my information along to them.

Cheers to LIVING IN ABUNDANCE and creating the life you deserve.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

How to Effectively Lead Your Team Through Change (and get them excited about it!

Whether you are an entrepreneur of a small or large company, or are a leader/ manager/ executive with a corporation, one of the biggest challenges you may face is leading your team through change. As the business grows, so does the team, so do the processes and so on. Change is tough on all of us, as humans we innately are eased when we know what to expect, we innately calm when the anxiety of the unknown is diminished, and we feel successful when what’s expected of us is achievable and mastered.

But what we also know is we don’t tend to stay in that comfort zone long. Denver is growing, business is booming so we better be evolving in order to keep up. You may be a go-getter and therefore enjoy the challenge of change and learning something new. Good for you! I personally like being stimulated in that way, but even I like a break from change every once in awhile to strengthen my performance.

Your team, however, they might not be the same as you. Change might be excruciatingly challenging, frustrating, and it may throw them into vulnerability and insecurity.

Here are a few things to consider when leading your team through change:

1. Just being aware of how change might affect your team and knowing that everyone deals with it differently is a great starting point. As mentioned, some folks like the challenge, some are completely threatened by it. Getting to know your people on a personal level will inform you on how they want to be communicated to, and how they deal with change. Take a look within and examine how you deal with change. All eyes will be on you during this transition.

2. Effective communication is imperative. Map out your communication plan. Depending on the change you might want to have one on one’s with those most impacted followed by group meetings to inform the team. Use a calendar to map out when you are having all of these conversations and put time aside for follow up conversations with those who need it. Make yourself available during this time. The order of who finds out information and when they hear it will impact your team culture – for example if a newer employee finds out about an important change before one of your managers, your manager will feel less valued and empowered, therefore potentially less supportive of the change.

3. Explain the why’s – treat your team as the stakeholders they are. What is changing and why? How is this change going to impact them, the business, your company goals, and mission – tie it to the big picture. How will it benefit the team, customer, and business. And be transparent about the challenges you all may face in light of this change. Initially there may be some kinks to work out, but “here is how we are going to work through them”. Gaining the teams buy-in to change is essential in rolling it out effectively.

4. Ask for their input, as feasible. After explaining the change and the why’s, ask them how they feel and what they think about this change. Just being heard goes a long way for folks. Ask them how they see this change positively impacting the business? What obstacles are they foreseeing? They may provide insight you hadn’t considered, and now you can get in front of it.

5. Have a training plan in place – and follow up measures to ensure everyone is on board, is getting the knowledge they need and is executing to the new standard. Celebrate with your team when they are on the program and provide honest, open, and timely feedback and ongoing training to those who are not quite on the program.

6. Do what you can to make it fun! Play Bingo as part of the training, have a competition among your team with rewards, make a poster and plaster successes all over the office. Laughter makes everything better…oh and happy engaged teams, and increased sales do too.

Some of your team may embrace change – those are most likely your leaders and managers, and some will be extremely resistant to change. Attitude is key, but the team is more likely to join you on the growth journey when they feel valued, informed, heard, and when they are clear on the expectation.

If you are an entrepreneur and would like counseling, coaching, or small business consulting, give me a call to set up a meeting to discuss a course of supportive action for you and your team. Being an business owner, leader, and manager brings a great deal of responsibility, and in my experience investing in your personal and professional development is beneficial to your long-term success.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Healthy Ways to Be in Love Limbo

As you all know, I am passionate about helping people navigate the one constant in life…CHANGE! And being in transition we as a culture often force ourselves into the next step or fall back into old patterns because being in the unknown is very uncomfortable. When it comes to love and relationships, things can become even more complicated.

Getting out of a relationship, even if it’s what we wanted and needed is difficult. One partner may want it more than the other, one may have cheated or been abusive, there may be jobs, houses, finances and children involved. And even if this change is the best thing for you, many emotions will arise and you will find yourself in what Thomas Moore describes “the neutral zone”.

You may be tempted to jump right out of the love transition and into the next relationship or hook up to ease your feelings of sadness, confusion, loneliness, grief, and all that comes with it. BUT taking time to carefully reconnect to yourself, to sit in this grey unknown while becoming open and able to receive what the universe has in store for you can help you attract healthy love.

So, what is it that I am suggesting? Take a big, grown up, TIME OUT! Yes, that’s right, a time out. Before getting clouded with another person’s needs, wants, and expectations, take some time to reflect, feel, observe and become aware. What’s most important to you when it comes to compatibility? What drove you nuts about your last partner and relationship? Were your needs met…why or why not? How open were you to receiving love or did you have subconscious walls up to protect yourself? What did you learn growing up about trust, intimacy, and relationships and is that a belief, norm, or way of being you want to move forward with?

Being in a relationship you may have conformed to what your partner wants, or have been so concerned with your own wants, you failed to compromise and meet your partner half way. Just sit with this for a while. We are under no obligation to be that same person, you have it in you to grow, evolve, give and receive.

Take time to be by yourself, to meditate, to be in nature and engaging in your favorite type of play. Reconnect to your friends, families, neighbors, those who are your biggest supporters. Take up that hobby you have always wanted to try and notice how it makes you feel to try new things, to accomplish healthy tasks and to be connected.

Having a good counselor or coach during this time can provide you the safe space to reconnect with yourself, to evaluate what healthy love is and how you operate within it, to explore relational issues and how to overcome obstacles, ultimately getting you ready to attract healthy love.

I am currently reading Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life and am going to leave you with this quote from Gregg Levoy, “Through some trial and error, I have discovered that often the best bait to use in luring a call is a little space. We need time when we’re not engaged in what the Taoists refer to as ‘the ten thousand things.’ When we give off nothing but busy signals, calls simply don’t get through. There’s no room for them. Make room for them. Get off the line every once in a while.”

Instead of giving off the busy signal trying to prematurely jump into something new, give yourself permission to heal, feel, and sit in the transition and that alone opens you up to what’s in store for you. Being the best version of yourself, you will attract the right partner. Having love and trust for yourself will help you to listen to your intuition, guiding you to a love that’s mutual and healthy. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Are You in a Life, Love or Career TRANSITION?

At multiple points throughout our lives, we will find ourselves in transition.  We have all heard the saying, “Change is inevitable” which is true and having a counseling coach help you navigate transition can be invaluable.

Whether entering adulthood or mid-life, getting married or divorced, having children or grand children, or changing/ growing careers, we often brush over what was looking ahead at what’s to come.  It’s important during the process of change to honor the part of you and your life that was and to allow for some reflection and healing before moving forward.

During the transition you may experience many emotions such as fear, worry, excitement, sadness and guess what…that’s normal and to be expected.  It becomes a problem when we rush this period because the feelings are uncomfortable.  The in-between, unknown, grey ambiguous landscape is scary and sometimes we don’t know yet what our new normal will be.  But what is also true is that during this time we can either open ourselves up to new possibilities, ones that are authentic and exhilarating, or we can close down and block what’s truly in store for us.

So what are some things we can do to remain open and cope with change and transition?

It starts with becoming aware and giving yourself permission to FEEL!  It’s OK to be sad that you are no longer an only child, a single man, or in a specific position at work.  It’s OK to be scared about your new responsibilities and yet the only way forward is THROUGH the feelings.  Allow yourself to grieve what was, it certainly does not mean you are not excited or grateful for what’s ahead.  Try to allow as much time as possible to be in the unknown and engage in your favorite play, create quite time, journal, surround yourself with supporters – keep the channels open to receive new possibilities.

It’s often during our darkest night that the answer comes to us.  Just as we are about to give in and give up we see the forest through the trees.  During stillness we can learn to listen to our intuition and reconnect to our deepest values.  These are tools you will want in your new endeavors – whether it be new life stage, new relationship, or new career.

Counseling & Coaching provides the space to heal, feel, and cope with change.  It can support you in getting back to who you are meant to be and to become the best you yet.  By clearing our emotional vessels we create more space for our future and build upon our experiences to evolve in new and meaningful ways.

Cheers to change!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Living Your Purpose

I get asked quite often “What does living your purpose actually mean?”

Without getting into too much detail, the best way I can describe it is by offering questions you can ask yourself.  What energizes, ignites, and excites you?  What wrongs are you wanting to make right in the world?  What subject, group of people, initiative, movement, etc. are you currently deeply interested in and impacted by?  What activities, hobbies and interests do you enjoy most and who do you like to experience them with?  When and how do you feel most like yourself and that you living from a balanced and peaceful place? What are your core values? These are all questions that can lead you to what your purpose is.

Work is a significant part of our lives and in my experience can be a significant source of stress and yet also fulfillment.  When we can combine work with what we are most passionate about, we can reduce the discomfort and get back to a place where we wake up feeling optimistic and excited about our day and ways in which we can contribute to the bigger picture. You don’t have to discover the cure for cancer to be living your purpose.  You could volunteer walking dogs on Saturdays.

It is my belief that as human beings, we all want to be heard, accepted and understood.  We thrive when we feel that there is meaning and purpose in our life.  We tend to feel balanced when we know internally who we are and what is most important to us.  Sharing our message with the world IS PASSION.  And when we get feedback on that message, we believe we are making an impact.  Whether large or small, making an impact helps us feel important and valued, all improving our sense of self and self-worth.

If it just feels impossible to discover and live your purpose in your work life, the good news is, you can also live your purpose from your personal life.  Being a loving and nurturing mother, sister, neighbor or friend can be just as fulfilling.  Cooking local and organic food can provide true meaning.  This is not about putting pressure on ourselves, it is about allowing ourselves, giving ourselves permission to explore who we are and what matters most.

In our culture it is easy to become confused about what we want, or to neglect our inner truth based on what is popular.  When we are living from inauthentic place, we subconsciously live in a constant dilemma which can show up as depression, anxiety, mood swings, loss of energy or confidence and so much more.

Start small by asking yourself the questions above.  And then rate on a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you to living your purpose, to being your authentic self, and letting your unique light shine bright in the world. What obstacles are in your way? What is one small thing you can do today to get you closer to your purpose?  Reach out to a coach, counselor, mentor, or friend to discuss. You are important!

I would be honored to help you discover your purpose and support you living from a passionate place!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

How to Connect With Your Teenager and Embrace Adolescence

I often hear parents speaking of their teenager in tongues, cursing their names and wishing their adolescent years away.  While I completely understand there are challenges to this phase of their development, we must remember for them, this is the toughest part of growing up.

Adolescent kids are finding their place in the world and figuring out who they are.  They usually do this by sizing themselves up against their peers and friends and by experimenting with styles, language, habits, expression, and the like.  It can be an incredibly confusing time for them, and to top it off, their bodies and voices are changing and their hormones are raging.  Yes, this has the potential to be a shit storm, a shit storm indeed.

However, where I think we get off track as parents is that we assume the worst of this phase; we set ourselves and our kids up to difficult.  We try to control their exploration and disapprove of how they are expressing themselves.  We do this because we are worried and just want the best for our kids, but what we are really doing it putting distance between us and our teenagers.

So what are some ways we can stay connected with our teenagers during this transitionary and changing period of all our lives?  How can we support and nurture our teenager’s journey and help them through this phase?

1. As best as you can, keep the communication channels open.  This may mean knowing their patterns and striking at the best time.  For my son it’s on the 30 minute car ride to school.  He is awake, energized, not yet cantankerous, and I find he has much to say.  Ask questions that not only you are interested in but that you know they like to talk about (video games, their friends, hobbies, animals, sports, their teachers, etc.).  Be an active listener, show genuine interest, and keep your negative comments to yourself (because yes, sometimes what is coming out of their mouth is irrational).

2. Normalize their experience.  Your teenager may be feeling a whirlwind of emotions.  Share with your teenager that you remember what it was like to go through this particular developmental period.  Share your stories to connect with them.  Tell them that it is normal to feel sad, angry, happy, excited, and scared all within 5 minutes, and that their bodies may ache as they are growing.  This can alleviate their instinct to judge their emotions.  And PLEASE people…encourage your boys to cry!  Encourage healthy ways for them to release such as talking, writing, playing music, doing art, and being active outside.  I also found a meditation journal I LOVE that I gave to my son that guides some healthy dialogue.

3. Set aside special time to engage in activities your teenager likes.  If you are feeling like you can’t get more than a one word answer to the question, “How was your day?” then take them on a hike.  Exercise gets teenagers talking.  It’s less intimidating than a serious face to face.  As much as I can’t stand it, I’ll bust out the Wii (is that even how you spell it) for some bowling with my boy.  Teenagers will want to be in their room, on their technology, connected to their friends, which is fine, but we have to set the expectation of family time.  And by doing things they enjoy you’ll get a more positive response.

4. Acknowledge your kiddos unique strengths.  What makes them special?  They need a foundational sense of self and we can help create that.  Embrace and support their uniqueness and interests.  All too often we as parents want specific things for our kids, like for them to be the quarterback or top gymnast, but really what is it THEY like and want.  Turning them into something they authentically are not will only make this period more challenging.  And for the love of Pete – stop trying to live vicariously through your child, it’s not too late for you to join a dance class or volleyball team.

5. Let them make mistakes – they’ll learn the life lessons.  We just went through a tough time with this recently.  We stopped micro-managing our son’s school work and homework.  We let him own his time management and priorities.  It was so hard to watch him struggle!  He became stressed and overwhelmed and my instinct was to rescue him.  But after a couple weeks, he shared with his Dad that he was stressed and emotional.  He told me he needed a little more guidance and follow up.  HE ASKED FOR IT!!  Can you believe it??  What an incredible lesson. He realized that if he is not organized and does not manage his time, he cannot get everything accomplished.  If he does not study he will not do well on the quiz.  And none of this feels good.  So I spent an afternoon sharing with him how I use my planner to organize and spread out my to-do’s, and how I celebrate when I get things done but avoid overloading myself.  Such a fun way to connect.

6. Ask their opinion on stuff…important stuff.  Ask them how they feel about the big things that are going on your life.  Some of the best conversations I have ever had with my son were about important issues and I could tell he felt smart and like a stakeholder in the family.  I am not saying to allow your teenager to call the shots, but hear them out.  They offer an insightful, honest, and interesting perspective.  Deep personal reflection has come from conversations such as these with my son.

7. Check in with yourself.  How are you feeling?  Are you feeling connected?  Are you satisfied with your relationship with your teenager?  Are you burnt out?  Are you emotionally available or unavailable?  We have to take good care of ourselves to be able to last the storm.  By reflecting on our parenting we can make adjustments to what we are doing to strengthen our bond.  We are a work in progress and if we can own our mistakes and show our resilience to our kids, they learn we are only human and so are they.

Enjoy this time with your teenager, for we will never get this time back.  They are trying to figure out who they are and they need us more than ever to support their journey.  Reach out and talk to other moms and dads for support.  Take good care of yourself.  And don’t forget to have fun, because yes, this ride can be ridiculous at times.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Getting Into the Hearts & Heads of the Client

How to get into the Hearts and Heads of the Client

Entering into the field of interior design, I realized quickly that I had an opportunity to leverage my counseling skills when working with our clients.  Whether buying, selling, building or remodeling a home, clients are in transition which is an emotional roller coaster for them.  I have heard many folks talk about how to prospect clients, and how to stay in touch with them after project completion, however how we take care of our clients “in the moment” has an invaluable and long-lasting impact.

We all want to provide a level of service that exceeds our client’s expectations, one that they tell their friends about and come back to us for many years to come.  Read on for some information regarding the psychological experience the client goes through as well as some tools to help you navigate the emotional process and best serve your clients.

What is the Client Psychologically Experiencing?

Clients are in TRANSITION!  They have not closed the chapter on the old, and are not yet settled into the new.  William Bridges would call this the “Neutral Zone.”  Haven’t we all been in that space not knowing how things will turn out?  It’s uncomfortable and some feelings that arise being in the neutral zone are fear, stress, anxiety, powerlessness, frustration, and every other emotion that life brings which will at some point be projected onto the process, project, or you.  We know that clients specifically experience 3 fears:  the fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance (and I would add shame, some clients internally feel that they DO NOT DESERVE this new home), and fear they are being sold something that is not in their best interest.  Other things to consider are that mood plays a role in how clients experience and perceive what you are presenting to them, color plays a role in regards to emotion, and psychologically it is easier for clients to make multiple payments where the total amount is higher than one lump sum payment.  We also know that when in transition clients become indecisive due to all these feelings and the analyzation that kicks in.

So what can we do to help?
Knowing that our clients might be experiencing some or all of these things, how can we best “show up” for our clients throughout the process to help them manage all these stressors, to ultimately build trust and long-lasting relationships?  It starts with building more than just rapport – the goal is to build an alliance.  Similar to how I begin counseling with a client, creating a safe environment that is built on trust and support is essential to the process – the same efforts apply here.  Get to know them personally.  At Studio 10 we have created a client questionnaire that asks everything from favorite adult beverage to most important room in the house and why.  We set the first meeting at their home which makes them feel important, personalized and tended to.  For the 2nd meeting we invite them to our beautiful showroom and tend to all their senses.  It will smell good, we’ll have eye candy for them to look at, and we’ll display their favorite drinks and snacks.  This helps the client feel special and catered to.
Find out about their kids, pets, hobbies and associations and show an authentic interest in who they are.  Being honest and transparent, even regarding the not-so-fun stuff, such as what you can expect in construction, helps to build the alliance.

Knowing the feelings that come up for folks who are in transition – something important to remember is that they might be moody and not trust you right away – don’t take it personal.  That can be a very normal initial response.  Being defensive will only create a barrior between you.  To find out what feelings or moods they are experiencing…it sounds simple…but just ask.  How has their day been thus far?  You’ll want to know if they couldn’t find a parking spot or had a rough parent-teacher conference prior to your appointment.  Taking that into consideration, you could alter your agenda for the meeting and revisit the missed topics on a day where they can be more present and engaged, therefore leading to effective and productive decision making.  If and when the client shares with you their emotional state “We are WAY behind schedule!!”  Normalize it.  “I understand your concerns, the stress at this phase is common, and yet I have seen this scenario before and here it how it comes together.”  Just feeling heard and validating will calm them down and reassure of them of the alliance. There is power in stories.  Share other client’s success stories with them.

In addressing indecisiveness, empowering them to make the final calls will be helpful in avoiding the 3 fears mentioned earlier.  Angela Artenies provides 5 ways to overcome indecisiveness that you can share with your clients:
1. Keep notes for a week on your feelings.  Don’t analyze – just write down.  After a week – where are you leaning?
2. Identify where you have the most resistance – this is usually due to an underlying fear or belief.  Naming the real fear is invaluable – normalize it and empower them.
3. Recognize you have the right to change your mind (control).  Encourage them to have what’s best for THEM, not what society, their friends, family, partner or ego thinks.
4. Stop taking life so seriously and allow self to go with the flow.  Have fun, laugh, humor has healing powers.  Having a playful attitude is attractive and approachable (which also builds the relationship)
5. Go within and do a visualization – I use this technique for everything.

Retention for the long haul Requires more than Satisfaction
According to the Keller Center research (Guo, Xiao, and Tang) we have to go an extra few steps further than providing client satisfaction.  Creating an experience where clients feel smart and in control can seal the deal for them to come back for many years to come (and to refer you to others!)  Some ways that we can do that are to balance being the expert with empowering them to tune into their knowledge and intuition.  Ask them often what they know, what they think, and what their gut is telling them.

Gretchen Rubin put together 7 tips for helping other people feel smart and insightful.
1. Take notes
2. Refer to a comment the client made earlier
3. If the person doesn’t finish their thought, ask them to pick it up again
4. Use the person’s name judiciously
5. Take note of evidence of their admirable qualities
6. Ask their advice
7. Take someone’s advice (you already know what their favorite restaurant is from the questionnaire – try it out – and have a discussion about it)

Hopefully there is some information here that provides insight into how to best serve your clients who are in transition.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Co-Parenting Post Divorce or Break Up… Helping Our Kids Thrive in the New Modern Family

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 21 years old and getting a biopsy on my cervix due to my per-cancerous cells when out of the nowhere my gyno says in a very matter-of-fact voice, “Oh, we’ll have to postpone, you’re pregnant.” The room went fuzzy and I think I entered an altered reality for a moment, only to come back to the room due to the wrinkling sound of paper being thrown crumpled up.

I was in college and this was not part of the plan.  I knew immediately who the father was, we had been dating on and off for about three or four years, and I just imagined his reaction.  I went out to the waiting room crying and my Mom hugged me thinking I was upset due to the procedure (Hello!  Get ready for this news).  I whispered in her ear while we were embracing, “I’m pregnant.”  My best friend Sharon was also in the waiting room and to this day I am forever grateful to have had two strong amazing women in my presence in that moment.

And just like that I knew deep down inside I was going to have this baby and my life was about to change dramatically.  I made my first pre-natal appointment on my way out, still completely frozen in shock.

Throughout the pregnancy…life got real tough.  I was still in school and working both at a Mexican restaurant and then at an internship at Target.  Due to the events that unfolded with my baby daddy thereafter, I knew I was going to be a single Mom and that we were not going to make it as a couple or a family.  I was heartbroken, scared, embarrassed, and lonely.

I am not going to lie…those first couple of years of co-parenting were excruciating.  The mediation was devastating, as making a deal to share my son felt impossible, and yet I knew he needed his Dad just as much as he needed me.  His father and I would argue over parenting time, how to parent, and everything else under the sun.  We said hurtful things to each other during this period that shook our confidence as parents and that we now regret. We did not handle things great in the beginning.   And at the end of the day I felt like I was missing precious moments of my son’s life when he was not with me.  I felt like my world was falling apart.

Well…our son is now 12 going on 16 and his father and I are on the other side of the toughest part.  Although it’s not perfect, I believe we do a darn good job co-parenting and have found a way through all the pain to put our son first.  I wanted to share our learning’s to those of you just embarking on this journey, as I remember all too closely just how hopeless it can feel.  You are not alone.

 Here are a couple items to consider if you are part of the modern family:

1. Release yourself of the shame….I know I felt an incredible amount of shame for bringing my son into the world without the traditional family and as such a young mother.  I wondered if I jipped him of something really instrumental to his development.  Shame carries no benefit, only unnecessary weight.  Kids can thrive when they have at least one loving and nurturing parent they can attach to.  If they have both their parents in their life without the marriage..right on!

2. As much as you can, put your pain and personal feelings toward your ex aside as to avoid damaging a relationship between your child and their other parent.  All kids innately feel that their parents are good.  If you bad mouth their mother or father or make them believe their other parent is fatally flawed…they inherently believe they are fatally flawed.  They know they are the product of their parents, so in their minds how could they not be bad?

3. Build your ex up in regards to their ability to parent rather than tearing them down.  Being a new parent is extremely vulnerable.  We never really know if we are doing it right and there is already enough judgement in the world.  Telling your ex they are a bad parent is soul sucking, and cutting to the core and can damage their confidence as a parent.  If you need resources on parenting, reach out and learn, but don’t judge each other from the sidelines.

4. Go through mediation rather than a custody battle.  That two hours of mediation was so emotional for me, I cannot imagine what six months – six years of court would have done to me…which would have impacted my son.  As hard as it is, your kiddo needs both you and your ex and if he/ she witnesses your ability to work together, he/she will gain so much from that.  Plus, all that money you didn’t spend on attorneys you can put away for their college education.

5. Take time to connect and communicate with your ex…if for nothing else but to touch base on your child and get on the same page with parenting.  It is already really tough on kids to have two houses so having similar parenting styles (school stuff, rules, norms, diet, extracurricular priorities) will help them transition.  If both parents encourage the same study habits, eating habits, and play, your kiddo can build momentum.  It’s important to note that no matter how hard you try…you will NEVER parent exactly like your ex…or your new partner for that matter…and that’s OK.  The most important piece to consider is to avoid using your child as a communication tool to get to your ex.  “Tell your Dad….” is not their responsibility.  That puts them in the middle regardless of how innocent the message is.

6. Provide your child with a transition item and transition period.  Our son used to have two blankies he would take back and forth (he called them “Blankie” and “C-Guy”).  When he was little, the transition period was so tough for him.  There were even moments I would come to pick him up and HE WOULD RUN FROM ME!  If that wasn’t a shame trigger I don’t know what was. Is it NOT that they don’t love you, it’s just that they were settled into one space and having to move to another…so handle it with patience and try not to take it personally.  You may notice that their behavior is more challenging than usual the first day or two back at your house…this is normal.

7. This might not work for all…but embrace your ex’s new partner and try to spend some time together as one big blended modern family.  This can be brutal, BUT having an alliance with the new partner will provide you another contact keeping you in the loop and helping you raise your child.  Completely ignoring them means there is a part of your child’s life you are not privy to.  As my son was growing up, our big blended family would always spend Halloween together (and although some were a little crazy) I feel like it means a lot to the kids to have all their loved ones in one place on special occasions.  We sit together at his games and performances showing a united “TEAM CAMDEN” in the crowd.

8. Talk to your child often about what it is like emotionally for them to have two houses.  They will tell you.  Pretending it’s a non-variable can prevent them from sharing what they’re experiencing, good and bad.  This DOES NOT mean to interrogate your child on what your ex is doing and what goes on at the other house.  This puts your kiddo in the middle and they can sense the tension behind those questions.  Show empathy for their situation.  Eventually they may be able to verbalize both what’s tough about the blended family, and also what’s beneficial about the blended family.

9. Know that it gets easier.  The divorce or break up wound won’t always be this raw.  As we heal, we can embrace the concept of blended family and even find ways to appreciate it.  When I would get sad about my situation, I would remind myself that my son has 4 loving parents instead of 2…what a loved little dude.  I fell in love again and am married to an amazing man who adores my son and who also gets along with my ex.

As a big blended modern family…we are all in this together.   As long as we show love, acceptance, and guidance to our kids, while taking good care of ourselves and each other, we are providing more to our kids than what many receive.  Although it might not be going as planned, by embracing the glorious mess the universe handed me, I have felt such gratitude to have had my son – nothing in this world gives me more joy than him.  And he wouldn’t be as amazing as he is without the love and relationship he has with his father and step-parents.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Unlocking the 6 Psychological Keys to Reaching Your Potential

In the workforce today, many of us struggle to balance it all: work, family, friends, hobbies, pleasure and more.  We are often overworked, burnt out, and just going through the motions.  In my experience both as a professional counselor as well as a corporate leader I have found that people tend to focus on the wrong things to help them grow, reach their potential, and create a life filled with meaning and purpose.  They go searching externally for answers when I have found that the secret to their success lies within them.

In developing a coaching plan to help folks reach new heights, I integrate counseling to unlock what I call the six psychological keys to reaching potential.  These are six categories to explore that involve taking a deeper look into our inner world and how they impact our personal and professional lives (in this piece 3 of the 6 will be shared).  The process begins with doing some soul searching to lay the foundation of the work.  Before providing assessments and tips, it is beneficial to assess whether or not one is living authentically, and in congruence with their values.

Some questions to ask yourself when exploring your purpose and values are: What aspects of my life are filling my tank versus sucking it dry? What interests have I lost contact with that used to bring me energy and joy? What types of activities do I look forward to? When do I feel most passionate? What means the most to me (relationships, honesty, money, integrity, responsibility, just to name a few?) Then take a piece of paper and on one side write out all the things that emerge from these questions. On the other side write in the top section things you are doing that are in line with your values and on the bottom, things you are doing that are not in line with your values. It is almost impossible to really reach our own unique potential when we are not living authentically or have lost our passion, interests, and values.

Once you have defined what’s most important, now you can begin to form your professional presence. This can include identifying signature strengths and blind spots. What’s interesting is that typically what we are great at is also what we enjoy to do. For example, if you enjoy being with people, odds are your strengths are related to working with a team, perhaps being a leader or a helper. If you love organization or innovation, perhaps your strengths are to be the visionary, goal setter, or strategist. To realize your blindspots, you’ll need to request open and honest feedback. This can be tough! You can email your friends, family, partner, team or peers an evaluation for them to fill out and drop in your mailbox. Knowing what we are great at and what we can work on to grow will serve as beneficial in the quest to ultimately reach your potential.

Next, in order to reach our individual potential, one of the obstacles we must address head on is…yes…the inner critic. What is it you tell yourself that gets in the way of you going for it, chasing your dreams? What self-talk do you engage in and who’s voice is it? What are you scared of? Once we know what the critic has to say, we can then begin to challenge it head on. You can add another voice to this inner dialogue, one that believes in you and wants you to take risks in order to grow and reach new heights.

Hopefully, this information can get you started on the journey to reaching your potential.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean