Embracing Darkness: An Necessary Component of Self-Acceptance
Last week I invited a good friend of mine over for some Chinese food, wine, and the documentary on Amy Winehouse. Waking up the next morning, I realized just how deeply affected I was by her story and more specifically by her relationship with her dark side. Having suffered from an eating disorder in combination with excessive drinking for many of my younger years, I too have a similar darkness, but it hasn’t been until recently (and after serious therapy) I have come to explore and embrace all parts of myself.
There are always two sides to the coin, to the yin and yang, and one without the other offsets the balance. When I reflect on Amy’s story, I am astonished by her talent and how her unique gift was to share her darkness through lyric and song. She had a keen ability to tap into her inner wisdom and shed light on her internal struggles in such a resourceful and insightful way. Many people, however, ignore or repress their dark side, for it is scary, angry, embarrassing, overwhelming or jealous. And yet in my experience it is also creative, beautiful, soulful, artistic, and honest. In order to accept ourselves, we must meet and make peace with our dark side, and perhaps in the long run even use it to shine brighter in the world.
For example…I know I can be fiery, intense, and downright challenging sometimes. And yet that also comes across as passionate, driven, and courageous when channeled appropriately. When our darkness is unconscious, we don’t have much control over how it rears its ugly head. When we bring those parts of ourselves into our awareness, we can begin to understand our desires, impulses, and patterns.
When we understand our patterns we can alter them positively or use them strategically.
So how do we get in touch with these parts of ourselves? First – when feeling down, low, depressed and dark – take a look around and allow yourself to immerse into the experience. Draw, write, dance, or tap into your creativity during your dark times. Don’t shame yourself for feeling low, it’s part of the human experience. Note: If your depression continues or hinders your ability to get out of bed, eat, or ensure basic safety needs are met, please do reach out for additional support.
In what ways have self-destruction and self-sabotaging behaviors impacted your life? How do you talk to yourself when no one is listening? What patterns and habits are you engaging in that are no longer serving you well? In what ways have you hurt others? What parts of your personality do you perceive as undesirable? This is all information that can provide insight into your darkness. But as you discover these parts – be careful to remember WE ALL have a dark side. We all have things we wish were different about ourselves. But without our darkness, we wouldn’t be our whole and true authentic selves. So, rather than trying to change it, or repress it, I would encourage us all to greet it with a gentle and curious nature. Why is it there? How does it help us? My fiery nature keeps me moving forward, constantly growing, and able to defend myself. That’s not all bad is it? This is a process and takes time but if you have even taken the step to consider your darkness, you are well on your way to acceptance!
I want to hear from you…How does your darkness help and hinder you? What creative forces emerge from your darkness? What ways have you been able to channel these parts of yourself?
