You’re trying to do it all - between volunteering at your kid’s school, making yummy treats/homemade meals, juggling after-school activities while working your way up the corporate ladder, meeting a project deadline, making sure everything is perfect for your boss. All at the cost of what? Your sanity? Your mental health? Your family?

This week’s episode is a little different, but I promise it’s a freaking juicy one!

I joined Marina O’Connor on her podcast, The Unstigmatised Parent, to talk about leadership, parenthood, and the beautiful impact that we can have on the world in being mothers.

I became a parent in my 20’s during my senior year in college. All of a sudden I had to figure out my plan to provide for myself and son as a single mom. You know, good insurance, great benefits, great salary, all the things. After attending a career fair, I fell in love with the leadership style of a corporation called Target and decided this is what I wanted to do. I started at Target and never looked back.

I had this belief that I needed to do it all - kick butt at work AND be in my son’s classroom every week to volunteer, make fun treats for his friends, and be the best classroom mom. From an early age, I was conditioned to believe from that to be a good mom, I had to do all these things I’ve mentioned because if I didn’t, I was not good enough. Oh, and I dare not mention any of what I’m struggling with as a parent at work — it would’ve been seen as weak.

Asking for help wasn’t an option because I believed I was supposed to be doing it all. I was asleep and unconscious and driven from unhealthy beliefs that told me I should be able to figure it all out on my own. So, I silently struggled and guess where that got me? Yep, burnout at 32.

Little did I know that I had some unresolved trauma behind those achievements in the business and corporate world.

I felt like if I just kept running, I could outrun the pain that at the time was totally unconscious.

I had to work through the trauma from when I was eight years old. I adopted the belief that I had to be the perfect child and the one nobody had to worry about because both of my younger siblings had needs that required more than normal attention. This trauma played out in my exhausting strive for perfectionism in my career, making sure all my stores were perfect and that the projects were top-notch, and working to be the perfect mom.

Mamas, listen to me. We simply cannot do it all, nor do we have to. When we get caught up in the good mom mantra, we find ourselves spiraling in the ‘should be’ thoughts and that becomes an absolute mess. I believe that when we slow down, allow space to be vulnerable, find spaces to share the scary things, and do the mental health work, then we can access deeper parts of our own wisdom and creativity. We, as mothers, can make a beautiful impact on this world.

When we get clear on what matters to us as a parent, that’s what we should be giving our energy to. What lights us all the way up. As for the rest: we have to let. it. go.

Whether it’s finding a dance class to go to, setting aside time to walk every night, taking a Saturday morning to journal, asking for help with school carpool, DO IT! Ask for the help with the kids — whether that’s from a partner or family member or neighbor — because it takes a freaking village.

By creating the space to do these things, we are able to remember who the heck we are as individuals and not just as mama.

At 42, and after having my now six year old daughter, my view on being a working mama is completely different. I realize now that I don’t have to do it all, that I can take that yoga class I’ve been wanting to take, that it’s okay to ask my husband to help with drop-off pickup duty for the school day, and so much more. And guess what? I’ am SO much happier and I am able to be the mom that I want to be, not the mom I think I should be.

This conversation was such a good one, I can’t wait to have Marina on my podcast as a guest. She has a wealth of knowledge in intergenerational trauma and how it affects our families and even our organizations.

Connect with Marina!

Website: physistherapist.com

Facebook: Mental Health for Working Mums Group

Instagram: @physistherapist

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other!

XO, Brooke Jean