Put Your Well-being First: Don’t Get Sucked Back Into the Soul- Sucking Self- Sacrificing Vortex

hey loves!  happy summer.  happy june!

Happy less freaking masks.  With life re-energizing and things opening back up, I am witnessing people, especially people-pleasing perfectionistic type working women and mamas (aka ME!), being lured back into the old way of things pre-COVID-19.  The glamorization of busyness, grit, discipline, and self-sacrifice is completely and undoubtedly suffocating and quite frankly, needs to die. 

I felt that the Pandemic helped us collectively realize what the hell actually matters most.  In the last year, we started prioritizing health, wellbeing and our families over everything else.  We began taking breaks at work, taking walks over lunch, and clocking out early for that at-home yoga class.  We learned to be flexible and that shit can get done in an untraditional way, such as when it works best for us. 

We acknowledged the mental and emotional wellbeing of ourselves and those we care about. We took bold action and made big moves such as literally physically moving where our soul has been longing to go, left marriages that weren’t working anymore, left jobs and started new businesses that were more in alignment with who we really are and our higher callings.

And yet, here we are, so soon being pulled back into the old paradigm, the outdated way of being.  I can feel the pull myself and am also witnessing my bad ass working mama clients fill every minute back up on their calendars with shit that no longer fires them up.  Those gaps in their schedules are now being intercepted with appointments, meetings, and to-dos based on other people’s expectations, kicking out the walk, the meditation, the nap, the emotional check in, the connection with loved ones.

We are all of a sudden feeling guilty for doing our self-care and working less than 8-10 hours when in all honesty, our 6 hour work day is more productive than some other’s 10 hour work day.  We are feeling like we owe someone something. 

We did our part, taking one for the team during the Pandemic.  Sacrificing our work and our sanity to remote teach our kids and adjust to all the changes thrown at us.  We’ve BEEN taking one for the team since the beginning of time.  We deserve spaciousness, grace, and appreciation for all we’ve done.  We deserve flexibility at work so we can do all the things we do.  And we NEED to put our wellbeing first so we can carry on.  

The Pandemic became a pressure cooker for change, dismantling the paradigm that told us that we need to work hard until we die.  This is clearing space for the new paradigm to emerge and come forward as the new way of being.  One where we value the feminine by beginning to acknowledge the inherent gems women have, unique strengths buried under societies BS expectations such as intuition, sensing, creating, collaborating, reading a room, etc.

When we push to produce, perform, achieve, and perfect day after day irregardless of our cycles or what else is going on in our worlds we are more vulnerable to burn out and experience serious mental health concerns.  I am NOT here for it anymore.  Too many amazing women are suffering in silence with depression, anxiety, binge eating and drinking and all sorts of other ways of coping that are holding us back from feeling our best and therefore living a life we whole-heartedly desire.

So, my love, please please please do not fall into that old trap.  Do not be manipulated into believing that busyness is a good look or that you need to do or be more than you already are.  

May we turn our attention inward, regulate our nervous systems and fill our tanks.  May we breathe deep, dance hard, and laugh often.  Shed the shoulds.  Protect your precious resources like energy, time and intention fiercely.  Say No.  Ask for help.  Take breaks.  Move your body.  Breathe.  And for fuck’s sakes, rest and re-charge because this is just the beginning of the new way of being.  We have some work ahead in creating the new paradigm for how we work, how we define success and how we shine bright in the world.  NO biggie.  We gots this.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

3 Tips for Living in Extreme Uncertainty

It is November 2020, just two days into the election, and just when I thought we as Americans just could not take on any more uncertainty, we are waiting to hear who will be elected president. Having been on already shaky ground since March of this year due to COVID-19, adding a whole new level of uncertainty to the mix has many of us electric with anxiety. Or frozen in stuckness. Or wanting to run far, far away.

I am beginning to wonder if one of the larger assignments of getting through this really tough transition is learning to live with uncertainty.

The brain has evolved to protect us, and in doing so it needs to be able to predict future outcomes. It requires information so it can make a plan to keep us safe. It has us comparing ourselves to ensure we measure up and can survive socially. These functions of the brain are survival-based and have been evolving since the beginning of time when our environment was very much eat or be eaten. 

Not having information to be able to predict future outcomes and plan for safety has our brains and nervous systems going haywire and this experience can be wildly uncomfortable. Anytime we are going through a big life change, personally and collectively we enter into the “unknown” periods that leave us restless, unsure, and lost.

here are 3 tips to live with uncertainty

1.

Don’t forget to breathe. And really breathe.

The most nourishing thing we can do for our systems is to take a deep inhale and exhale. Seriously, a belly breathe will do more for you than a green juice. When we are in a place of uncertainty we tend to shorten our breath. I invite you right now to pause in this moment and just notice your breath. What is the quality, length, and what parts of your body are expanding and contracting? Now try putting one hand on your heart and the other on your belly and inhale to the count of 4 until you feel the hand on your belly rise, hold for 4 and exhale for 6. Do this for 3 minutes and notice how you feel after. Breathwork is not only nourishing for you on a cellar level, getting oxygen to your brain, it is also giving your brain and nervous system a signal that you are safe, releasing hormones that help you actually calm down and feel safe. We underestimate the healing power of our breath and connecting to it more mindfully each day will support us in being in uncertainty and listening to our own inner guidance.

2.

Movement. Move your friggen’ body.

Several times a day. Our feelings are held in our bodies, therefore the fear, anxiety, worry, grief, all of it is stored in your body and so we need to shake and move off the energy. This can look different for each person. For some, a deep stretch feels like a good enough release. Dance is beautiful for this purpose. Walking, earthing, hiking, cycling, swimming, twerking, it does not matter. This is not about exercise. This is about releasing stuff that is stuck in the body. When I feel stuck or that I am spiraling in anxiety I just start dancing or shaking or jumping up and down. It shifts my focus, brings a smile to my face, and shifts my energy. I also recommend doing this to get through an urge to cope in an unhealthy way.

3.

Daily Dose of JOY!

One of the hardest parts of living through these times is the feeling that there is nothing to look forward to. With COVID cases on the rise, holiday planning, vacations, and get-togethers are all on hold, yet again. Not having something to look forward to takes its toll on mental and emotional wellbeing- so I think it is so important to schedule in a daily dose of joy to your day, every day. Add in a bath with your new bath bomb, calling a friend, watching a show that makes you laugh, a short meditation, coffee on the patio, a good stretch outside facing the sun. It doesn’t need to be grandiose, it needs to be accessible and not serve a purpose other than to bring you joy. So what are the small things that bring you joy? Get out your phone/ planner and schedule one small daily dose of joy and have that to look forward to each day.

We need all the tools we can gather right now to remain grounded and healthy during these times of uncertainty. We need a break for our danger centers in the brain and our nervous systems. We need to process and access deep feelings and move them through our body and lastly, we need moments of pause to listen to ourselves and each other and be able to move forward in a conscious way.

Don’t let fear call the shots of your day, your life, and your outcomes. Fear has a purpose, to keep you safe, and it’s only a PART of you, it’s not the CEO of your life. YOU are. So, give yourself permission to sit in the yuck of not knowing, trusting that you will find your way somehow.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Identifying Feelings For The Woman Who Struggles To Feel

Are you a high-achieving, highly anxious, perfectionistic woman who is currently feeling lost, overwhelmed, like a failure at everything, triggered often, and in a constant state of stress?

Are you feeling like you can no longer function the way you have been all these years?  Feeling that you can no longer manage it all with a smile on your face while hiding the psychological torture you’re in?  That you are buckling from your own internal pressure and want to check out completely?  And has this phenomenon led you to cope in ways that are not healthy or in alignment with your higher self?  

If so, then you are just like me and we are having a normal human response to living through a collective trauma and crisis.

I see you babe.  I really really see you.  

Because I am you.

Right now, with the global pandemic, racial justice movement and relentless changes such as all of sudden teaching our kids, taking our businesses online, being with our partners all the time and wearing masks to all. the. things, it feels like we are in a pressure cooker with no way out.  

No way to release the steam and pressure to find relief.  

When in this position, our stuff is emerging and rising to the surface.  Our stuff meaning our stuffed feelings, parts of ourselves that are no longer serving us, patterns that prevent us from realizing our potential and feeling our best, and beliefs that hold us hostage from really living and being our authentic bad-ass-selves.

Those feelings that have been ignored and the ways in which you have kept them at bay; whether it be drinking, spending, cheating, raging, over producing, conflict in relationships, feeling bored with your career, or hating on yourself internally, are all ready to be honored and worked through.

Because when you do, sister, you rid yourself of all the junk weighing you down and holding you back.

This is an invitation to begin to tend to your feelings, your body holding those feelings and to begin to heal so you can navigate this collective transition we are in and perhaps even come out stronger and healthier than before.

One of my favorite ways to acknowledge and explore feelings is to set up a journal practice.

Journaling allows information that can often be outside of our awareness to come forward. 

Before you begin your journal practice, I strongly encourage you to set up an uninterrupted sacred space that feels safe and relaxing.  Take 10 deep belly breathes and enter into the space of self- compassion and reflection.  You may even light a candle and put on some of your favorite music.

Here are some journal prompts to get you started. Don’t overthink these questions, let your gut be your guide:

How am I feeling about everything that is going on right now?

Where am I holding those feelings in my body? (close your eyes and scan your body – no judgment or shaming what is coming up!)

Am I making time to feel and what does that look like

What are the thoughts and beliefs I have about my feelings that are showing up?

What behaviors am I engaging in to avoid feeling?

Let the information flow and do your best to meet it with curiosity and kindness.  This is all just information,  there is no right or wrong and it is absolutely okay for you to be exactly where you are right now.

Just by doing this, tending to your feelings, and writing them out you are: 

• Showing up for yourself in meaningful and healing ways

• Strengthening the mind-body connection so you can further identify and name feelings

• Have moved the feelings, making a shift happen in your body

Now, MOVE YOUR BODY in any way that feels good to complete the process.

This could look like standing up and shaking, dancing, stretching, or going for a walk.  Move the feelings through you and notice how you feel after.

Make this a practice you commit to as often as you can and notice shifts after a day, a week, and a month.

Now more than ever we need to tend to our emotional health and wellbeing and this practice can get you well on your way of doing just that.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Discover your Purpose and Passion to live a whole-hearted and healthy life.

Discover your purpose and passion to live a whole-hearted and healthy life.

Why is purpose and passion so important to your overall wellness?

Because when we live authentically, according to our values, and for our purpose, work doesn’t feel like work.

We wake up inspired for the day and for the impact, whether large or small, we are making on the world around us.

Our work takes up a significant portion of our time, energy, and life and therefore if we do not enjoy what we are doing, it’s a long run to retirement.

Discovering your purpose and living with passion enables you to enjoy the journey, the here and now, no longer waiting for retirement.

Some questions to ask yourself and reflect on in a quiet space to connect you with your calling are:

What wrongs are you wanting to make right?

What is your favorite thing to do?

What activity makes you feel in connection with yourself and others?

What is your struggle and your story and what would others learn from it?

What brings you joy and fulfillment?

If you could wake up tomorrow and time, money, education, all of it wasn’t a factor, what would you be doing?

These are just a few questions I explore with my clients who are ready and willing to start fulfilling their purpose.

Once you have decided what you are passionate about and what your purpose might be, its time to develop plans and begin taking action to help you get there.

Start with a vision and work your goals backwards to where you are today!

A career change, even when chasing your dreams, can be terrifying.

You are in transition, meaning you do not know what will happen and how it will all work out. This experience can create feelings such as fear, anxiety, worry, second-guessing and so much more.

Enlisting in a counselor or coach as a guide through your process can be immeasurably helpful for the discovery, planning, doing and processing parts of all of this.

Learn more about how I help clients live their best lives here!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Being In Transition: Part III – Adjusting to Your New Normal

Being in transition is a lot like being on a spiritual journey. The experience is one where you’re confused, in a state of seeking, and not as connected as you would like to be. Just entering the process, you are aware there is a shift taking place in you. You suspect in some ways you are different, but not yet sure exactly how and in what ways. You may even have difficulty expressing this journey you are on to those you love.

You might be a new Mom and your entire role and identity just changed dramatically, making your entire life’s focus around one thing: keeping the tiny human alive. But you might be wondering where the other parts of yourself have gone? Or you might be newly divorced and have no clue how to socialize and court someone you are attracted to. And yet you know deep down you haven’t completely lost your sexy.

In my last two blogs, I have encouraged folks who are in a love, life or career transition to leverage a three step process to guide them through. I have suggested to take time to consciously grieve what and who you were before the transition took place.

Then I offered a potential shift in your mindset that can be helpful while being in transition. To begin to see this often scary and confusing time as an opportunity. An opportunity to become and change coarse. To determine who you will be going forward and how to begin to design your new life. Read the previous blogs here > https://brookejeanllc.com/news/

And once you have arrived to the part of the process where you are crafting the new normal, its time to try this evolved self and life on, and my hope is that you enter this part of the journey with a new sense of clarity and confidence.

But don’t get me wrong, this part takes COURAGE.

You may have fears surfacing that are showing up as thoughts questioning whether or not this new way of being you will be accepted and even liked by others.

This is the adjustment period.

And like most things, it starts and ends with connection.

You don’t have to navigate these new waters alone. Call on your single friends to take you out for a night out. Join your local new Mommy’s support group. Make friends with your neighbor. Reach out to your mentor, old colleagues, your coach or counselor.

Surround yourself with cheerleaders and supporters. This is crucial. Not everyone will understand your journey, and thats OK. You have to live for you!

Get uber intentional with your time. Ensure your priorities are reflected on your calendar and treated with as much respect as a doctor’s appointment. Carve out time for your health, for connection and FUN.

Know that change is hard for all of us.

But we must be adaptable. As a new Mom, a divorcee, an empty nester, back to work career professional, whatever, your days will absolutely look and feel different. Try not to run from this.

Acknowledge it. Honor your feelings around it. And visualize yourself living your best life. Remember why its important to get to that end goal and what its all about.

I know its really tough right now, adapting to your new norm. You might be questioning whether or not you made the “right choices.” Perhaps you are crying while breastfeeding in the middle of the night, in pain and feeling alone. Perhaps you feel empty inside coming home to an empty apartment. Perhaps you are staying late in the office to acclimate and get your bearings on, feeling lonely and wondering what its all worth.

But this is only temporary. It won’t always feel this way. Remember your WHY. You wanted that family, out of that shitty marriage, or the lifestyle that new position at work creates for you.

In order to design the life we want, we have to accept that if we want different, we must be different. We must consciously choose what seems difficult, challenging, maybe even impossible. We have to grieve, become, and adjust.

BUT…on the other side of all of this is a more true and authentic version of you and a life that you experience as ultimately fulfilling. On the other side is feeling free, maybe even inspired and energized. You’ll get to experience new people, places and things.

Witnessing folks come out the other side of this spiritual journey and watching them thrive in ways they didn’t know was possible is what its all about. And what’s cool is that each of us may cycle through this evolution many times in our lives, getting us closer and closer to being who we are meant to be and making the impact we are meant to make. What an true honor and privilege this work is!

Wherever you are in your journey, I applaud you for making it this far and want to lovingly remind you to grieve, become and adjust.

If you or someone you know is in a love, life or career transition and would benefit from having a counselor and coach to guide them through.

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean

Being In Transition: Part I- Grief

How to Deal with Change: 3 Steps.

Step 1:  GRIEF

Throughout our lifetimes, each of us will encounter many different love, life and career transitions. Whether it be transitioning from childhood into adolescence and adulthood, from college to career, from losing a job to getting a promotion, losing a parent to becoming one, or hitting the “mid-life crisis,” there are periods of time that rock our world to its core and potentially change the path that we are on as a human being.

Many people dread these periods of time, fear them, avoid them, run from them.

But I have a different perspective. Although absolutely challenging, these are points in time that are filled with opportunities. Opportunities to deal with past hurts we are carrying around that are subconsciously getting in our way of being our best selves. Opportunities to identify patterns in our life that are no longer serving us. Opportunities to change coarse and become who we are meant to be. These are the richest times of our lives, if we know how to maximize the opportunity.

Being in a few life transitions myself, and specializing in transition as a counselor and coach, I wanted to share my three step process in using this time wisely (and surviving the storm!)

I am getting ready to bring my daughter into the world. My family is growing after many years of being what we were (a family of 3, but also part of a larger blended family). My first born is starting high school this year which is another huge transition, and I have launched a business that is growing and constantly in transition. Using the three step process, I have not only become comfortable with being in transition, but truly believe I am making the most of it.

And I feel compelled to share this with you!

The three part process includes:

Grief
Becoming
Adjustment/ Reconnection

So…for this blog, I am going to share part one of being in transition which is GRIEVING.

Each transition brings LOSS and often this loss might trigger past losses.

Our culture has the tendency to encourage us to focus on the future, what’s next, to be excited and grateful for whats to come. Which can be helpful. BUT if we don’t take time to consciously grieve what was, these feelings can manifest themselves in other ways later on. Grieving allows us to tap into our feelings to therefore express them, to acknowledge what was, whether good or bad, and to do some deeper reflection ultimately increasing self-awareness. From this place we can remain more grounded and intentional as we move forward.

As you are entering or going through a transition, here are a few ways in which you can consciously grieve. You can ask yourself the following questions and sit with them in meditation, prayer, journal them, or share with someone you trust (such as a therapist!!)

What is the transition I am in? You might be noticing a theme here with all my offerings, everything starts with awareness, acknowledgement, and naming what is going on. This is a instrumental first step. You might say something like, “I am aware that I am entering a life transition where I am having another baby, therefore changing my family life.”

Identify the feelings coming up around the transition. For this, you may need to dedicate 10- 15 minutes to sit in silence to allow the feelings to emerge. We get really good at subconsciously repressing, even unintentionally. So give yourself time, space and permission to tap in. Do a body scan and notice and feelings you might be holding in your body. What are they? You might say, “I notice I am feeling a sadness around my first born not being my only child anymore, and some anxiety around how this transition is going to effect my marriage, and some loneliness in being pregnant.”

Reflect on how you got here. I am finding myself in a unique situation where I had my first born 14 years ago in college and am just now adding to my family. How I got here is a long story, but one that if I fully honor it, I can pull out pearls of strength I have leveraged over the years and also things about myself that need further attention that led me down paths that weren’t in my best interest. Look at your story through a compassionate lens. Recognize the good and take accountability for what you would change.

Use coping skills to sit in the unknown. One of the most challenging parts of being in transition is that we can’t plan and predict everything that is going to happen next, which our brains do not appreciate. I have no real idea how my family life is going to look and feel in one month from now, let alone one year, five years, and so on. I have no control over many components of what’s to come and that can be terrifying. This is where it can be helpful to lean on your spirituality or trust in something greater. When discomfort arises being in this unknown territory, identify the feelings, take a breath, and remind yourself that you are ready and prepared to take on whatever comes your way, and that you trust that all will work out. Because let’s face it, haven’t you made it through every challenging thing you have encountered thus far? Why would this situation be any different? Take another breath. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.

Capture this phase and these moments. Enjoy these last days, weeks, months being that family of three, or in that position at work, or with your girlfriends being single post-split. Take pictures and be present. You will not always be in this place, as the one constant is change and very soon you will find yourself in a different position. Remember who you were at this time so we can start working on step two of this process which is all about BECOMING.

Although this may not appear to be the fun part of the process, trust me when I say its essential. It will clear space for what’s to come. It will release unnecessary garbage you are carrying around with you. It will provide you personal insights that allow for better self-awareness therefore deeper connections with others. And, it can help you appreciate yourself and all you have been through while empowering you to take courageous steps moving forward that elevate your life in so many ways.

This is the work I am oh so passionate about. If you would benefit from having a guide to help you navigate your love, life or career transition, call me today! If you need support through this grief, but also want to identify the patterns to ultimately make intentional adjustments to your life, let’s get to work now. Click here to find out more information about me and how we can work together. www.BrookeJeanllc.com

Let’s make a minor change in our mindset today by seeing change and transition differently…as an OPPORTUNITY!

Take care of yourselves and therefore each other,

XO brooke jean