Eating Disorder or Disordered Eating…7 Questions to Ask to Explore Vulnerability
With so many messages from the media infiltrating all five of our senses on what we should look like combined with life’s struggles and our genetics, it’s not a surprise, although it is devastating, that as many as 20 million individuals are suffering with an eating disorder (binge eating, bulimia nervosa, anorexia nervosa, and OSFED ). I too fell into this trap as a teenage girl. My disease started out as a middle school competition with my friends on who could eat the least, and spiraled over time into my favorite way to deal with deeper problems time as I grew older.
We can’t always control what happens to us, but we might be thinking we can control what goes in and out of our bodies. Whether surviving a past trauma, coping with severe anxiety, substance abuse, divorce, body image issues, the list goes on and on, sometimes self- destruction becomes appealing as it can be easier to take the pain out on ourselves. Similar to cutting, or hitting oneself, or being dangerously sexually active, self-inflicted pain seems to initially to provide relief. What it does in the long run is devastating to our health, our relationships, and our lives. Many people die each year from this. The scariest part of eating disorders is that a little exploration can evolve into a full blown life-changing eating disorder so quickly it can be challenging to detect and prevent.
Once engaged in the behavior, it becomes somewhat like an addiction, freeing us from all the troubles in the world. When we are too busy obsessing over food or binging and purging, we are distracted, even for just a moment, from our internal pain. Until after the act…then the shame rushes in like an overflowing, raging river. “Why do I keep doing this to myself?” “Am I out of control?” Why can’t I just be happy and healthy like everyone else?”
Early detection and prevention are key…and we have to change the way we perceive and internalize the messages that tell us who we should be and what we should look like. I do want to mention I think progress is unfolding with awareness, and unsafe weight expectations being portrayed, however we have a ways to go. Here are some additional things to consider when determining if your eating and body image are problematic and for protecting ourselves from the messages we are receiving in our culture:
1. What is the impact the media has on you? Are you watching TV shows, reading magazines, admiring models, and comparing yourself and your life to what you see? It’s important to remember that media and advertisement companies are getting rich from our vulnerabilities. These images are not realistic. We should not be a size 2, or fitting into our high school jeans. As humans, we grow in age and size, let’s allow nature to take its course. If we are too busy trying to be just like what we see on TV we are missing out on the opportunity to….
2. Embrace our authenticity. What is YOUR style, look, body type, nutritional and dietary needs, etc.? What would you look like if no one was watching? Would you curl you hair or wear it natural? Both are fabulous so long as it’s what makes you feel good. Are you gluten intolerant or in need of carbs because you are a runner? One size does not fit all. If you want to know more about what foods are best for your body – reach out to a nutritionist or specialist in your area.
3. Are there people in your clan (your mother, husband, brother, neighbor, boss, friend) who shame you for your weight or appearance? This can be incredibly damaging. It’s bad enough we have the media to deal with, but if folks in your network are contributing to your body image issues – it might be helpful to do some work with your therapist around boundaries. You may have to excuse unhealthy relationships from your life.
4. Are you obsessing over calories, carbs, fat, nutrients, how many times a day you eat, when you eat, how long it takes you to eat, the smell, texture or taste of food? Do you spend a good portion of your day thinking about food? These could be indicators that disordered eating is occurring.
5. Are you weighing yourself every day, multiple times a day? Are you constantly trying to achieve a specific weight, one that you are guessing is healthy for you? Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating for unhealthy eating habits or for obesity as that presents health risks as well. Rather, I am suggesting the number on the scale not determine your worth. If you want to know what a healthy weight is, talk to your doctor. But I prefer gaging my weight on how I feel…do I feel strong hiking with my son? Do I feel comfortable in these jeans (and not my old skinny jeans)? Am I putting foods in my body that fuel me?
6. When looking at yourself in the mirror, what is your internal dialogue? Are you thanking your body for getting up this morning, having your babies, running that mile, doing that yoga pose, or breathing?? Or are you disgusted, frustrated, and saying hurtful things to yourself about your body? Our inner critic can get us into serious trouble if we don’t add perspective and awareness to the conversation. Using ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) I encourage clients to observe those negative thoughts, breathe into them, create space for them and they will pass. Then add in your voice saying that you are enough as you are, and it is not realistic to be that thin, and that there are other ways to heal and cope.
7. If you are outright binge eating, eating and then purging, or not eating enough…or are curious about whether or not your eating is problematic, please reach out, you are not alone. You can contact your doctor, a therapist, an eating disorder agency and there are some great online assessments and information available to all of us. Support groups are also extremely helpful. Here’s a place to begin to gather information: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
Creating change begins with each of us. If I no longer buy into the media messages and chose to not purchase the diet scams, I am creating change. If I compliment others on their authentic beauty and be careful to teach my son healthy eating and body image habits, I am creating change. If I work with a therapist to process my past and heal rather than turning to the eating disorder, I am creating change. Let’s support one another on this journey.
